Section C Life of Downfall (3) ～Sodom and Gomorrha , Way to Destruction～
Only 4 years ago (before meeting my wife Sachine and being led to church), I was under pressure of terrible sense of guilt, as if stuck in the mud.
Everything started from my own sins.This tragedy occurred just because a sinner like me judged somebody else…
I kept on blaming myself but I didn’t seek salvation anywhere.I was such a skeptist that I was convinced of impossibility for humans to save humans, considering every human activity to be false.For me, atheist at that time, salvation by humans involved religious salvation i.e.Salvation by God.
I repeat here.－Modern philosophy like structuralism and post-structuralism is a way of thinking which denies warm human emotions to the extreme and rejects human happiness to the utmost limit.
However, I also knew the undeniable fact that there exist Christians who believe blindly `Humans can be saved by Jesus Christ’ and that they acquire happiness through their faith.
When I was convinced of impossibility for humans to save humans, something seemed to amplify my terrible sense of guilt. －That was the problem of Christianity and faith.
I was suffering unbearable irritation on facing the fact that reason makes excellent people like me unhappy and that blind belief i.e.faith makes foolish people like Christians happy.
I started to rush in the opposite direction from God.
－I’m going to destroy the stupid delusion of God.I’m going to the furthest place from God, to become the biggest sinner ever and to die the most miserable death ever!
Driven by that irresistible compultion, I began to write a novel, which was an attempt to deny God completely.
My readres might know the man named Marquis de Sade.
He was a French writer in the 18th century, who described all kinds of sexual perversions.
About 30 years ago in Japan, his writings were still considered as pornography; a Japanese writer was sentenced guilty for translating them.They are certainly obscene, but they are thouroughly based on antichristianism.－Mrquis de Sade himself called them `Atheistic-Philosophycal Novels’.
By the way, Jacques Lacan discussed Marquis de Sade from a psychoanalytic viewpoint.
Do you remember what I said before?
－After coming back to Kyoto, I was writing a novel in the framework of `Psychoanalysis vs Christianity’.It was a love story between two pretty girls, but it didn’t come to an end.
To say the truth, this novel was full of obscene descriptions.I was not aware of Marquis de Sade at all while writing it though.
Although I have kept my mouth shut until now, I should make sure that psychoanalysis of Freud/Lacan is closely related to sexology.
I mean that while taking into account every sexual factor discussed in psychoanalysis, it ended up a story as obscene as those of Marquis de Sade.
Then, why couldn’t I finish it? －That was because I brought in the idea of post-structuralism, which made it impossible to maintain the 3-termed relationship of ＜the Father, the Child, the Mother＞ and ＜Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit＞.
The 3-termed relationship, which was the basic concept device of structuralism, meant nothing to me any more.
I’d like to explain.
－Concrning how the World was created, structuralists think that `something (1st term) interacts with something (2nd term) to create something different, under the pressure of unfair Authority (3rd term), whereas post-structuralists think that something (1st term) interacts with something (2nd term) to create something different.
－The latter completely neglected the 3rd term, declaring that there had never existed anything like the 3rd term.
Post-structuralism, the evolved form of structuralism, was a radical theory on the 2-termed relationship.
✝The Theory of Evolution (Darwinism)
In the last sentence above, I used intentionally the word `evolution’, to suggest the Theory of Evolution (Darwinism).
It postulates the following schema:
＜(inorganic matters) →(organic matters) →DNA (i.e.life) →→→fish→amphibians→reptiles→birds→mammals→→monkeys→humans＞
However, the most serious problem of this hypothesis is that evolution has no purpose.
To be more precise, Darwin didn’t deny completely the Bible, admitting that God created several original speces at the beginning of the World.
－He advocated the radical idea that monkeys evolved to humans, taking full advantage of the freedom given to creatures by God.
The reason why I repeat this matter here is that my wife Sachine, my teacher in faith, always says the following.
－`God has his own plans in every creature but He values their freedom as well, so I agree with transformation of creatures according to environments.But I think it’s too much leap that reptiles became birds, birds became dogs, monkeys became humans and so on…Especially, it’s absolutely inacceptable to think monkeys became humans! －Humans were created in God’s likeness, weren’t they?’
I believe in Scripture 100% now, but after going through atheism, I feel like discussing as follows.
－Just as you read in the epistles of Peter, `With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like one day.’ so it wouldn’t be surprising at all if 6 days of God’s creation were actually several billion years in human calendar.
Moreover, even if we allocate 100% to God’s plans and 0% to creature’s freedom, it would be easy to defeat the Theory of evolution.
－Suppose that 10000 single cells existed in ancient times.100 among them were destined to become fish because they were chosen beforehand by God.Among 100 fish, 10 were destined to become monkeys because they were chosen beforehand by God. And finally, among 10 monkeys, 1 was destined to become a human because it was chosen beforehand by God.
Nevertheless, I’d like to warn you that I would discuss as above if I were to accept Darwinism.
The Theory of Evolution is closely related to the problems about `Coincidence or Destiny’; it is also connected to the inner world of psychotics.
I’m going to discuss it from a different viewpoint in this book.
Anyway, doesn’t it take a lot of courage to criticize Darwinism in modern society? Just because Darwinism is no longer a hypothesis but already functions as the Truth for modern people.
The Theory of Evolution is nothing else but System Theory, which is synonymous with Reincarnation, meaning everything keeps on transforming forever without any purpose.
For modern people, the 2-termed relation theory or post-structuralism was the last metaphysics, which was finally replaced with a superficial way of thinking: System Theory.
There is nobody any more interested in finding out any purpose in transformation of things.
Modern people are extremely simple-minded. －Something(1) interacts with something(2) to become something else(3) so it lacks completely the 3rd term which indicates what manner they should interact in.
After the failure of the Love Story between two Pretty Girls, I had lost every meaning to write (i.e.to live) but I was to find it one year later.
－The clue was a second meeting with the Mbius Strip (the mathematical formula describing it) and the encounter with modern Japanese animation films※.
I’d like to talk about these matters later on.
※Those films are adored by so-called animation geeks.
What was I doing in the meanwhile?...
I was simply induldged in alcohol and women in desperation, yet unable to kill myself.
My heart was about to collapse, full of mud-like guilt, emptiness and despair so I couldn’t stand a single moment without somebody’s help.
Wouldn’t such a man crave for women? But if he is strongly dependent like me, he would always screw up his partners.
－I had already made unhappy two women at least.
However, I clang to a nurse yet again.I never learned anything in this matter, fully understanding I couldn’t be saved by humans.
She was a single mother 20 years younger than me, working at the same hospital ward.
Perhaps, she was seeking a father for her little son, but I behaved like a spoiled child wishing to be consoled, healed and saved.I even sobbed out on her laps when I got terribly drunk.
She walked out of my life without a word.
After that, I clang to the next object of dependence. －I began to hang around bad quarters, looking for young prostitutes.
I thought they might be able to save me just because they live outside the society. －I was a sinner.So were they.We could accept each other…
I went out with them privately.I even thought of marrying one of them.I might have married her if she had been suffering from sense of guilt.
But…She was not, whether good or bad.